Love and attachment need: Chapter One

love need

The latest research is changing the pyramid of needs. “Our need for relationships and attachment is as basic as food and housing. It is not a luxury, but an important element we really need. So how can it be that some people in this world feel lonely and have nobody in their lives? This is a sad and extreme problem, as serious as poverty where people have no food or a roof to protect them. For the most part, people do have relationships. The common experience is that they are not satisfying or they are the cause of their pain. The problem is about the quality.

I would like to share a statement that best illustrates the world we live in today, summarized by Mother Theresa’s final words before she died. When she was asked what worried her most about the future of the western world, she said: LONELINESS. “There is hunger for ordinary bread, and there is hunger for love, for kindness, for thoughtfulness; and this is the great poverty that makes people suffer.” What did she mean by that? (…)

Likewise, in the latest survey of the National Science Foundation in 2006, couples reported that they live in a community of two most of the time, and more people reported that they had no one at all to confide in. This survey shows how we now ask one or two people for the fulfillment and support that our grandparents used to get from a whole community. The most interesting aspect is that despite all these facts, more people in the USA and Canada rated a satisfying relationship as their number one goal. So even though everything we are doing promotes loneliness and independence we still want intimacy and attachment deep down. WE WANT LOVE!

 

WHAT IS LOVE?

 

So what do we mean by love? I cannot assume to propose final conclusions in this project, but it is my humble desire to provide you with the basic understanding of what we know so far.  “Only a few things worth knowing about love can be proven, and just a few things amenable to proof are worth knowing at all.” (Lewis, et al, 2001)

 

Many scientists, poets and people in general have tried throughout the years to define love but conclude it is a universal, powerful, and illogical emotion that is impossible to define as it is different and unique for everyone.  Aversely, Susan Johnson, PhD. (2008) emphasizes that today we can’t afford to continue defining love as an indefinable construct. It is imperative that we comprehend what love is, how to make it and how to make it last. She affirms that adult romantic love is an attachment bond that lives deep in primordial pathways in the brain. Love is not the least bit illogical or random, but actually an ordered and wise recipe for survival. We now have a map that can guide us in creating, healing and sustaining love.

 

“Grounded in science, it reveals that love is vital to our existence. And far from being unfathomable, love is exquisitely logical and understandable. What’s more, it is adaptive and functional. Even better, it is malleable repairable, and durable.” (Johnson, Love Sense, 2013)

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